So somehow I got left out of the whole “divulge your dirtiest secrets” meme on Facebook because my friends are way too sophisticated and would never lower themselves to participating in such banal shenanigans.
Wait, what? There isn’t a meme like that?
Well, there should be! Heck, I’ll start one right here, right now.
1. I once ate sushi. Raw. It was DISGUSTING.
2. When I was five I had a boil on my ass the size of, well, my ass and I had to have it cauterized.
3. I was with the hubs when we ran over what we thought was a rabbit in his truck. We left the foot dangling, dried bloody sinew and all stuck to the underbelly and we jokingly called it our ‘lucky rabbit’s foot’. The next day we realized it was a cat’s paw. I still have the picture on my phone if you don’t believe me.
4. I’ve been alone. In the Castro district. On a Saturday night. After midnight. When I was 13. Oh, yes, I saw things. Unspeakable and intriguing things.
5. My miniature schnauzer has been sexually assaulted by my cat and I couldn’t stop it from happening because I was laughing too damn hard to intervene.
6. I did NOT cry a single tear while watching The Titanic. Or Schindler’s List. Or any other movie because for Christ’s sake, it’s a MOVIE. It’s not REAL. Sheesh.
7. I’ve inhaled. Long and deep. And I liked it.
8. I’ve never, ever, EVER kissed a girl. Except for my daughter. And not like that! Weirdo.
9. I cried when I saw the wreckage of Paul Walker’s Porsche. Not because Paul Walker was dead but because that car! Ugh! Tragedy. Choked up now. Sorry.
10. I love Rammstein and Mary Poppins equally and would love to see a creepy Cirque du Soleil-inspired operetta based on both concepts combined. With the audience bathed in the blood of chimney sweeping virgins, begging for redemption at the end while Nanny P. heaps spoonfulls of cyanide infested sugar down her castmate’s throats amidst all the glorious , yet heart-warming, musical carnage. Oh. Yes. Please.
These aren’t even my dirtiest secrets. Heck, they aren’t even secrets. This is common knowledge to those closest to me.
Now it’s your turn!
~ Chelle B.
Awesome image courtesy of Zaratops