Before you get all worked up, I am not advocating for corporal punishment. I’m not not advocating for it, either. I’m pretty neutral on the topic, although, in the words of the poet Till Lindemann, whether or not we should spank naughty children is the question of all questions (no matter your class).

The reason this topic came up is because I actively typed “offended” into Google, hit the “news” tab and scrolled down until I found yet another advice column. This one is from The Citizen in Fayetteville, Georgia.

Seriously, who is writing in to these random people when Reddit already has the “Am I the Asshole?” forum??

Anyway, the question was from (supposedly) a private school principal who wanted to know what to do about a juvenile offender who wrote something offensive on social media about another student.

Here was the sage advice:

To the matter of social media, if someone can provide me with a persuasive justification for giving children access to a medium that allows and even encourages libelous gossip, please feel free to help me out here.

As for not wanting your child to be the “only child in his group not allowed on social media,” learning to do without what “all” your peers have, and early on, is nothing but beneficial to proper character development.

As for your question, since the offending remarks were public, having the offending child apologize to the offended child in front of the entire school body is the consequence that best “fits” the crime. And yes, that will lower the offender’s esteem for himself, which is obviously in need of major lowering.

Do you know what else would work?

Bringing back the paddle.

Just a thought.

What do you think? Is Till Lindemann’s solo project better than Rammstein? Let me know in the comments!