As someone who identifies as a white person myself, mostly because I was born this way but also because identifying as white gives me special privileges and powers that non-white people only dream of having, I rarely get offended. That’s because as a white person it’s my job to offend others. I guess that’s the trade off for all the advantages my translucent skin brings.

Even while writing this blog I can honestly say nothing so far has personally offended me. Sure, there are times I get annoyed while doing research mostly because there’s so much shite (that’s Scottish for ‘shit’) that I have to sort through to find a worthy enough offense to share with yous all (that’s Scottish for ‘you all’).

Sorry, I’ve been watching Limmy again and his accent has been rubbing off on me. He’s super white (and funny), not that it matters.

Anyway, all that changed this morning as I opened up my browser and typed “offends” into the search bar then hit the “news” tab and scrolled down a bit.

As soon as I saw this article on World Crunch I immediately bristled at the insinuation being made here. The microaggression against me, as the kids today call it. It made the fair colored hairs on the back of my neck stand up and my heart began to pound. Suddenly I wanted to throttle the author of this piece because it was obvious they were twisting their words around in such a way as to personally attack me without my being able to determine exactly they were saying that was so offensive.

Writing that is just white noise

A writer cautious to avoid all criticism could never write anything worth reading. If we stick to the prevailing attitudes of our time, never deviate from set cannons and become unable to question our own thoughts — or not dare face the wrath of the inquisitorial reader — we shall sink into blandness and cowardice. The writer who would offend nobody becomes insignificant. Their work is like white noise.

But the hateful readers suffer more than the suffering they cause. We should even be grateful to them, for the enemy is always more useful than the friend. The friend tolerates and pardons your flaws, while the hater points them out, admittedly at times with the cruelest accuracy.

It took me a minute and then it hit me!

The term ‘white noise’.

White?

Noise?

Now imagine for a moment that we reversed this and called it, oh, I don’t know, black static. The outcries of injustice coming from the perpetually offended would be deafening!

Of course many of us are so used to hearing it by now that it just sounds like, dare I say, white noise to us.

We’ve pretty much learned to block it out so we can just get on with enjoying our white privilege.

Where was I going with this? I honestly can’t remember at this point. I just know that for a brief moment I felt what they feel and it didn’t feel good.

At all.

Let’s hope it was a one off.