The British Christmas Offensive

It’s well known that the British are well known for being offensive, which is why we kicked their arses out of our country and declared our independence (hoorah!), but the Christmas season apparently triggers them to take their offending to a whole other level.

From Wales 247:

SEX toys, a half-eaten jar of jam and nose hair are among the weirdest Secret Santa gifts ever received, a new survey has revealed.

Brits also gifted friends and colleagues’ out-of-date food and, in one macabre case, pictures of dead family members.

Millions of Brits are expected to partake in a Secret Santa this Christmas, with the survey finding that most set a £10 limit on gifts.

Apparently the Brits are also cheap, which is funny because I read that was the Scottish. I know what you’re thinking but let’s not argue over whether the Scots are Brits (they’re not).

“One man had received a sex toy that had clearly been bought last minute from a toilet vending machine, while someone else got given some posh preserves – albeit with what appeared to be a spoonful of jam missing from one unsealed jar.

“But there were also some freaky stories. One woman was just given what she things was nose hair and had no idea why. Another woman admitted she was left in tears after someone had printed a picture taken from Facebook of her and her husband on a cup.

“It would have been a thoughtful gift, but clearly it had been made weeks earlier – before he had died.”

Now in all fairness, the photo of her dead husband on a cup was probably meant to be sentimental so that’s kind of a dick move to act all offended over it. Of course we know the Brits are also known for being dickish (also known as being “cheeky” across the pond).

Again, it’s why we sing My Country ‘Tis Of Thee instead of God Save the King!

Previously it was claimed that almost half of workers felt they had to tread carefully when it came to finding a Secret Santa gift that didn’t offend colleagues.

But Matt said it is the season to be jolly – and that means mischief.

“Secret Santa is all about letting off a bit of steam and embracing that cheeky British sense of humour,” added the businessman.

“A gift shouldn’t be offensive or hateful, but given that it is anonymous, is also shouldn’t be dull and unimaginative.”

With that “cheeky” sense of humour, I’m not so sure that was a nose hair but otherwise, I totally agree. Which is why this Christmas they should give us yanks a break and take Harry and Meagain back and give Scotland the best gift of all – their independence.

What do you think? Would you like some British nose hairs for Christmas? Let me know in the comments!

3 thoughts on “The British Christmas Offensive

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s