The To-Fish or Not To-Fish Offensive

As if our cousins across the pond haven’t had enough on their plate as of late! First Brexit and then the pubs closing and then Harry marrying a narcissistic former briefcase wench who probably thought she’d be crowned queen immediately after the wedding.

Lucky for them the real Queen didn’t live to see this latest atrocity being committed against the very heart and soul of British culture itself: the sacred fish n’ chips.

From the HullLive:

Papa’s Fish and Chips’ customers left ‘offended‘ as it launches vegan offering

Papa’s Fish and Chips have launched a vegan alternative – battered tofu – which has divided opinion amongst their loyal customer base.

The dish, known as ‘To-Fish’, appears to have sparked outrage amongst some customers, while others have praised the local chain for expanding their offering to appeal to an even wider range of customers. One woman went as far as to say that the tofu can ‘go in the bin’ as ‘it’s just tasteless’.

Papa’s Fish and Chips, who have ten restaurants around the country, have built a reputation as one of the UK’s best chippies. In 2015, they opened the world’s largest fish and chip shop right here in Hull, and in 2017, Papa’s won the title of ‘Britain’s Best Fish & Chips’ following a BBC televised search.

Announcing the new menu addition on Facebook, Papa’s posted: “This is To-Fish (battered Tofu), our Vegan alternative. It’s delicious.”

Some people took a great deal of offence to this unveiling, with Kim commenting: “Chips and mushy peas look amazing, the rest can go in the bin. I’ve tried tofu cooked various ways and it’s just tasteless. Proper piece of fish needed!”

Doesn’t that last line sum it up perfectly? I even read it in a British accent, so it sounded more authentic. Unlike this fake “to-fish” Papa’s is trying to peddle.

Tofu fish, indeed. Hrmph.

What’s next, making it out of crickets?

2 thoughts on “The To-Fish or Not To-Fish Offensive

  1. Ain’t nothing finer than a good fish & chips. Cept maybe a good meat pie. Look, I don’t care if somebody’s a vegetarian. I did that shit a few years. But fake meat is so goddamn pointless. I don’t have tofu, but I hate it when people pretend tofu, peas and whatever are going to taste like not those things.

    Leave fish and chips alone!

    Liked by 1 person

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